Thoughts (Unfinished)

Hell I don’t know what I am doing exactly. I’m just going for it in this daze-like state while trying to enjoy the ride. When it is all said in done what more can one do? We are left with a choice to either ride the rails without a clue of what the destination may be while acknowledging without a doubt the journey will be rocky or sitting and waiting in a comfy chair we always now and forever where it will take us amidst the station wondering, agonizing whether to grab ahold of the next passing train. I may end up looking like the fool according to some people at times but at least I will be a blissful carefree fool striving towards what makes me happy irregardless of what others may term as happy and successful.


When I’m with you (the mistress of travel/vagabonding/adventure) the colors of the world look brighter, the aromas purer, the sounds more musical, my touch becomes more tender? : this world is simply a happier, better place.

I am apart of an uncommon breed, one that challenges the status quo and laughs at any opposing attempts to derive us from our purpose. I do recognize proudly that I stand amongst a unique few but these people thankfully outnumber my previous opinions when I felt to alone in this mission. We are of a special ability to see further than most others do and I want to try to help others including myself to fully realize that. It is scary, damn scary. I can’t tell you how many times I have been left with doubt but life keeps giving me more greatness and beauty than I know what to do with. Hard, dark times will hit us, that is sadly the curse of it but it doesn’t mean it will drag us down into the dark abyss holding us there to our last breath. Better days will come in those moments of trouble believe me. 
Heavy seemingly immovable shit will cross my path at times. I see no reason to ignore it. However I will get past it just as I have shown to myself time and time again in this continuing justification of just how far I can go. The once mighty blockades now seem childish and now call out for greater beasts to be tamed. Just because I have made great strides over these many months away in my efforts to figure out my purpose in life and learn who I am in the truest sense doesn’t mean I won’t fall flat on my face at times and that is when my past lessons and the true friends in my life will come in handy. Even though these travels have been undertaken solely I wouldn’t have come this far without a helping hand from stranger or friend. 

All you need is time, something all of us are given by birth but few of us choose to use. Travel can be cheap if we aren’t rushed into some intense tourist package. The slow road is where you learn, have the opportunity to think, to ponder. In a way you have the time and flexibility to get to know yourself because in what other situation will you be able to probe those hidden, untapped sections of your mind. Your true self is gasping for air desiring its time in the daylight. Don’t hide it, don’t hold it back. ((deeply on another level, awakening))


What is life if we can’t have our time? Why let others define for us what time is and what we should choose to make of it? I know life involves hard work but you know what that does/accomplishes in a perfect world if we so allow it? Freedom. Work should be looked at as a way to buy freedom and not some indefinite concept that waits for us in a time that we ourselves can’t picture since it is too far off. But now, that almighty Present that is waiting for us just outside the door is here and now and can be fully realized. Open that door, get outside and breath in the fresh air. Don’t let the moment spoil. I love life and I know that although depending on one’s interests ( the time being) it can’t be lived tucked safely and permanently within some cubicle. I know people will hate me, despise me for saying this and that but at the end of the day to be frank I don’t give a damn. Here is the thing with life, if you don’t stick to your guns, your beliefs that rest at your core and define every bone in your body, what do you have?

What is life if we can’t have our time? Why let others define for us what time is and what we should choose to make of it? I know life involves hard work but you know what that does/accomplishes in a perfect world if we so allow it? Freedom. Work should be looked at as a way to buy freedom and not some indefinite concept that waits for us in a time that we ourselves can’t picture since it is too far off. But now, that almighty Present that is waiting for us just outside the door is here and now and can be fully realized. Open that door, get outside and breath in the fresh air. Don’t let the moment spoil. I love life and I know that although depending on one’s interests ( the time being) it can’t be lived tucked safely and permanently within some cubicle. I know people will hate me, despise me for saying this and that but at the end of the day to be frank I don’t give a damn. Here is the thing with life, if you don’t stick to your guns, your beliefs that rest at your core and define every bone in your body, what do you have?

We are imperfect beings (no matter what else we tell ourselves) who will fail but that is simply a call to get back up dust ourselves off before looking into the mirror to admire and acknowledge how much we can take and how much we are ready and willing to ask for and take on more.

What happened to those childlike dreams? Are we too old to wonder, to imagine? Don’t let excuses that other people put in front of you let alone others that are already instilling their infectious charm and spirit lead you to a future of regret. Those excuses may seem minor at the time, something that you can push off to a future time since we believe in that moment we have so much time left to spare, but they grow like a cancer till they practically become apart of you so much so that you struggle to define the difference between you and the lies that you have created for yourself to accept the status quo that you now so firmly believe in and stand behind. Act now and fight it. Don’t let the snowball of excuses build and gain speed into a life of regret that you can’t control. Be the cure, be the answer, be the outlier.

No one wants to think about the hard way even if it may lead to where they aspire to. It is too difficult, too demanding. We are all looking for the easy way out. The right way, the one that takes you to where you want to be is likely staring you right in the face but you choose to avoid eye contact because it means sacrifice, taking risks and giving up much of yourself. Maybe just maybe when you do give that much of yourself you find what you are looking for. It would be nice if life could throw you a bone and lay your dreams out on a silver platter awaiting your expectant reach but that is not how life works. Life is hard, knocking you back down to square one so much so it turns into some nightmarish déjà vu. However I believe in a certain respect the value of odds and probability. For every five times (for example) that you fail, that next break, that awaited shining distant light is expectantly ready to pave your way. Soon you will be wondering why you stressed, why you ached, why you analyzed so profusely these tiny moments that initially held you back. We are creatures like any other animal on this earth that just need that moment of reinforcement. When you see that your endless striving through pain, struggle, disapproval, and isolation have been rewarded, you will look longingly at those obstacles knowing what is next to come, ready to chomp on that carrot that never seemed to originally be within your reach.

Not only do I want to step onto that proverbial supposedly illegal line, I want to tango with it the two of us being irreparably unified. We dance our awkward dance feeling each other’s movements like we have known each other all along. Don’t tiptoe around it, embrace it because only then do we find out just how much we’ve got inside ourselves. Surprise not only others but yourself because that is who counts most, no. 1.

Nature:
She’s a beautiful temptress but an honest one at that. She pulls me in holding onto my grip, a grip too firm to break loose. If I were so willing, i could find a way out but why should I? She breaks me of my curse, a curse from a world that I always thought I knew but that world sat within a bubble, so self absorbent and unaware. Her eyes put me into a trance encouraging me forward closer towards her. She has always been what I have always needed yet not until now would I struggle to picture my life without her. She provides all. She is not biased, holds no grudges. She doesn’t need much else in return but I still appreciate her for all that she has given me.

What makes them (the doctor, the lawyer, the engineer, the CEO) stronger, better, and happier than me? I guess it is a matter of perspective. How do you define these traits that we all strive for. The man that pitches his tent (the only home he may call in the world) after a long day of walking amidst nature’s gifts: the mountains, the flowers, the little critters that would otherwise be hidden by the unknowing, rushed eye vs. the man that sits at his desk staring outside at the well-maintained shrubbery and gardens of his corporate building’s grounds as a formation of chirping birds rush past wishing he could have the time to experience such beauty by his own choosing. 
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